I am the slobbiest slob in Slobville.

This morning I quite literally had ants in my pants. How did this happen? Well, let's backtrack approximately three weeks.

I had four or five people over for dinner and we ended up eating strawberries with turbinado sugar and some of it spilled on the couch, and as much as I would like to think that I am entirely blameless, I spilled some on the couch and simply brushed it off on the floor, knowing that I would vacuum later on that week.
The next day, I placed my coke zero mini can (how cute are those?) on one of the end tables by my couch and noticed several ants scrambling to make their way up to the top of the can. GROSS. I quickly squashed all of them with my finger (GROSS^2) and then ran away. After that, I began noticing ants on the couch and then I left a cup of strawberry milk out (as I said, I am a slob) and came back and there were ants ALL OVER IT and I freaked out. Unfortunately, I didn't have any ant repellent or anything so I sprayed them with air freshener and yelled "DROWN! DIE!" at the little creeps.
For the past three weeks or so, myself and my guests have been fending off little ants crawling on us while on the couch. I've tried Dust Busting with my schveet retro green Dustbuster and I now have three ant poison containers out, yet none of this seems to be helping. They even started crawling on my vase of lilies that Bruno* gave me.
So now to how ants came to be in my pants this morning- I have been throwing all my clean laundry to be folded on my couch for the past week because I live in Slobville, USA where the state flower is the Messysuckle and the state bird is the Slobjay. The clothes cannot be put anywhere except for on the couch because the tivo is in the living room and I MUST watch Dawson's Creek reruns while I fold laundry. Anyway, this morning, when I put my pants on, there were ants in them and it was absolutely terrifying. Luckily they don't bite, but I was so grossed out and then went on a cleaning rampage. I only paused to write this because I'm waiting for my kitchen floor to dry so I can wipe up the moppy water.
Have a clean day, everyone, and please, never move to Slobville. It is a bleak place to be and you might get insects in your clothing.

*Bruno is not my boyfriend's real name, but his mom considered naming him that until she found a better one. Sometimes I wish his name were actually Bruno because then in fights it would be more fun to yell at him. "BRU, NO!! NO NO NO!"