She's way better than a dead phone line

To put it bluntly, most women in this day and age either loathe, envy, or wish all the plagues of Egypt on one another...and that's just towards acquaintances or strangers; friends are treated with even more contempt. Luckily, I like my friends. In fact, you might even say that I love some of them. Case in point: Cassie. That is not her real name but we decided last summer that it was appropriate for her if I ever wrote a novel and included her. We even tested its believability by using it as the name to put down for a table at the Cheesecake Factory. It worked!
I've learned a lot from Cassie, so without further ado, I present another list.
Things I've Learned From Cassie, or "She's Way Better Than a Dead Phone Line"
1) How to use magic. She knows how use her magic in more ways than one. For starters, she narrowly saved her sister's life by reminding me that "Crucio!" is an Unforgivable Curse (I meant to say "Confundo!", I swear. I'd never use the Cruciatus curse on anyone except maybe Bellatrix Lestrange) all while under the influence of very strong pain medication because even magical people have to get their wisdom teeth removed. She also knows how to work it with the gentlemen and casts a spell the likes of which you've never seen.
2) How to be independently happy. Although Cassie is beyond stunning and the second most radiant star in the galaxy next to the sun, she manages to keep the men at bay. This is a wonder to us all, but she is well aware of the fact that you can't love another person or be happy with another person without being completely happy with yourself. So all the women who're independent, throw your hands up at me! Awkward contraction, Destiny's Child. "Who're"? I dread the day when a 12 year old that doesn't feel the need to add apostrophes into her AIM Subprofile "SONG QUOTEZ I LUV" writes "all the women whore independent..."
3) How to see that every cloud has a silver lining. When I set my favorite blanket on fire because I thought it would be a good idea to put it in the microwave to warm it up, she didn't say "You are stupid and also unsafe." She said "This is almost as good as the time when Anna put that whole can of unopened Chef Boyardee in the microwave." Honestly, though, come on, who hasn't had one of those microwaveable heating bags with rice in them to put on your tummy when it hurts? Shouldn't all fabrics be microwave safe?
4) How to compliment and accept compliments. Granted, it is incredibly easy to give her compliments because she is, as they say, la creme de la creme. But prior to Cassie, I never would have said "THANKS GIRL" to any compliment or uplifting word I received from another person, mainly because I thought it was really awful sounding. But after much debating, we both decided it would be best if she incorporated a little more soul into her vocabulary, and now that same soul is in mine.
and
5) How to listen. She's way better than a dead phone line. Sometimes when I'm jabbering on for twelve decades, the phone will cut out. I never have any idea how long I've been talking for, but I assure you, a good amount of time can pass before I ever realize that there is no one on the other end of the call. Why is this? Because Cassie is such a good listener that when I talk to her on the phone, it sounds like dead air because she's quiet. I know she's listening to me because if she was typing on the computer, I'd be able to hear it because she likes the way her new wine-red nails look too much to ruin them by typing poorly on her keyboard, thus she'd have to use the pads of her fingers which actually make a very distinct noise over the phone. I love her for being one of the only people to never utter the words "Stop talking, please. I might die."

Cassie, this one's for you. I didn't know what I was going to say at first because this blog was intended for my angry ravings, but what can I say? You give me no choice but to be nice.